Dr. Matt’s Contract With The Internet

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Folks, it seems like every year we get to a whole new year.  In the past, I know that I’ve said that my only resolution for the new year, if I had one, was to get more famous.  But I’ve learned and grown, and I wouldn’t want you to think that that was my only ambition.

In fact, I was talking to a friend of mine recently, and she said that she thought that I sometimes came across as self-centered.  Since I welcome constructive criticism, I invited her to explain what the heck she was talking about, because I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.  I walked away from that conversation with one inescapable conclusion, that it must be that I’m a hard person to get to know, and I haven’t taken enough time to really show people who I am.  In other words, I need to start gettin’ real, and I need to start gettin’ real lickity-split.

To kick-off this new goal, I’ve decided that I’m going to make an arrangement with you, The Internet.  As a people that fill a series of tubes,  you’re probably used to results, and I’m someone known for delivering them.  So, I’m going to give you ten things that I’m going to do for you this year.  We can even put this arrangement in the form of a Contract, a Contract With The Internet, if you will.

So, here it is.  I, Dr. Matt, agree to do the following 10 items this year:

  1. Become more famous. Don’t worry, I’m not going to abandon my previous principles, and the more famous I am, the more people I can help.
  2. Answer more of your questions. No more dodging of the hard ones, like if a particular piece of clothing makes you look fat.  The answer is undoubtedly “yes”.
  3. Meet you in public. In the past, I’ve often avoided book signings because of the inevitably uncomfortable conversation about the Dr. Matt sweater that you knitted.  It’s possible that I have actually encouraged this obsessive behavior, and it’s time I encouraged it even more.
  4. Introduce you to more of my friends. I know my friend Jonathon Stembridge-Rickenbacker loves to hear himself mentioned often, but he offers one good perspective amongst many, which I plan on sharing.
  5. Talk about my feelings. Like right now, I feel important.  Tomorrow, I may share another.
  6. Listen more. Midgie is usually picking on me for this one.  She says not every thing someone says needs an answer.  I told her Alex Trebek would disagree.  She said, “No, everything he says requires a question.”  I had to admit that I didn’t know what she meant since I’d never watched Wheel of Fortune.
  7. Admit when something I’ve said is wrong. I’m always willing to look at new evidence, so that my current rightness is as right as it can be.  To be the most right person around at any given moment is the truest measure of humility.
  8. Stop dwelling on the past. Like the time when something I said was wrong.  It’s time to get over it.
  9. Be an excellent lover. I just wanted to share that this was a goal of mine.
  10. Be myself. I know this is kind of a repeat of #9, but I thought it was important to list on its own.  Internet, you and I have gotten this far, and we’ve gotten this far because I shared with you my thoughts, however they spilled out from my brain.  I think it’s a winning formula that’ll keep us together.  Oh, and one more…
  11. Be flexible. Be willing to go with the flow, like adding one more item to this list, or throwing out this contract if you decide to be a jerk about it.  Everything you learn changes the way your brain fires its little neurons, and I learn something just about every day, and I do it so that I can share it in a way that makes sense to ya’ll.  I don’t give a hoot who Dr. Matt was a year ago, although I suspect that he was still pretty amazing.

That’s my deal, Internet.  So go ahead, be bold, get real, and put your deal out there for everyone to see.  By doing so, you’ll show all your friends how much you’re not self-centered.

Just My Thoughts,
Dr. Matt*

* Dr. Matt is not a real doctor.

Dr. Matt

Dr. Matt* gives advice on relationships, life, death, half-life, pet ownership, sexuality, asexuality, proto-sexuality, and mustache growing. * Dr. Matt is not a real doctor.

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