You Deserve More Than a Crap Sandwich

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Folks, it’s time for a change.

I don’t mean for me.  I’m happy as a clam who has been invited to a clam honoring ceremony, in which he or she is about to receive an award for Most Delightful Clam.  I can’t think of other circumstances in which a clam would be happy, so that will have to do.

No, I’m talking about you, of course, to you folks out there who are ready for a change.

You see, I’ve decided to tell you how to change your life: dramatically, completely, and irreversibly.  Sure, I’ve probably mentioned how to do this on other occasions.  In fact, practically everything I’ve written should have done this already, but now I think it’s time to get you a bit more involved.  After all, you may have specific ideas about how you want your life to change.

Chances are, though, that you don’t actually have the specifics.  In fact, I’d bet a pile of lizard tails that you have a hard time accepting that you deserve anything different from what you already got.  So, before we start talking about making a change, I think you and I have to have a sit-down about your deservability.

Folks, most people think that life has to be earned. You think you have to work hard in order to have a life of travel.  You think you need to invest time in some crappy thing in order to get some other good thing.  What you don’t realize is that this idea is a crap sandwich with a side of poo pie.  Plus a coffee.

People give you this idea because they’ve already eaten the same crap sandwich, and they don’t think it’s fair that you shouldn’t have to endure the misery that they have.  In fact, they probably were handed a crap sandwich from day one, only it would have been puréed so as to be digestible by a human baby.

Step one is seeing that the idea that you have to earn your life implies that you have to earn it from all those other sandwich-eaters out there, when they themselves haven’t earned the right to judge who’s earned what.  If no one, then, is a fair judge of what you’ve earned, not your boss nor your family nor your friends, then what you deserve is limitless.

“Deserve is a strong word, Dr. Matt,” you’re probably saying.  You’re thinking to yourself that it sounds rational that you don’t have to earn anything from anyone else, but to deserve it is a whole other crazy idea.

Well, get crazy, folks. Deserving means that you’ve reached a threshold of contribution which should reward you with something.  If you take away the idea that you have to give and give to the people around you, that your contributions are inherently required, in order to have anything for yourself, then all you’re left with is the deserving.

I probably just blew your mind.  Am I suggesting that getting what you want doesn’t take work?  Heck, no.  You can’t end up with 50 gallons of milk without milking a few cows.  All I’m saying is that it’s not up to your friends and family whether or not you deserved the milk.  And certainly not the cow.  If it’s not up to anyone else, well, then I guess it comes down to you, pardner.

So, if you want to make a change, then first you have to come to the fact that your life belongs to you.  I mean, after all, unless you’re some kind of zombie, vampire, or alien, you’re the one living it.  Incidentally, if you are some kind of zombie, vampire, or alien, I’m on to you.

In my next post, you and I are going to start going about making some changes.  That is, you are going to make some changes, and I’m going to tell you how.  Don’t worry, you don’t have to do anything in order for me to help you out.  You already deserve me.  Isn’t that fantastic?

Of course, if you want to work with me one-on-one, that’ll be $300/hour.  I’m not running a charity here.

-Dr. Matt

Dr. Matt

Dr. Matt* gives advice on relationships, life, death, half-life, pet ownership, sexuality, asexuality, proto-sexuality, and mustache growing. * Dr. Matt is not a real doctor.

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