Like Money, Like Self

I know it’s been a while, folks, since you heard from me, and I apologize for that.  I’ve been on a book tour lately, selling the highly popular bathroom reader: “Just Stop Having Problems, Stupid!”  If you don’t have your copy yet, then obviously you don’t like going to the bathroom.

While on tour, I spoke at a conference about not being stupid about money.  And I gotta tell you, there are a lot of people who are stupid about it.  Right now there’s this whole economic whatsit going on, and people are gnashing and wailing, thinking all is lost, and it’s just plain dumb.  Money is a figment of our own imaginations.  Sure, we have little paper dollars, but that’s just something that represents money.  Yes, you have your print-out from the bank.  Again, that just gives you a number representing how much money you have.  It’s not your money.

Money is made up.  It’s made of nothing.  Or, if it’s made of anything, it’s made of confidence.

“Wait, wait, Dr. Matt,” you’re saying.  “Money is made of confidence?”  That’s right.  Those little pieces of paper have a certain value based on the confidence that people have in its value.

“But if money is made of confidence,” you say, “then wouldn’t I draw more money to me simply by becoming more confident?”  Well, I don’t know why I’m involved if you’re just going to answer all of your own questions.  Please stop interrupting me.  I was going to make that point, but no, why don’t I just sit this one out and you take it from here?

No?  Okay.  Absolutely, money is a function of confidence.  Just be more confident, people.  I don’t know how, just pretend.  Speak confidently, pay for a coffee confidently, have sex confidently.  If you can, do all three at the same time.  And it’ll be like you’re digging canals and putting up dikes, dikes built of confidence, that re-route the money to you.  Because you’re in the world, so be in it. Go ahead, take up space.  Be like a big planet that alters the flow of space-time around it.

Just as long as you stop interrupting me while I’m talking.


Just My Thoughts,
Dr. Matt*


*Dr. Matt is not a real doctor.

Dr. Matt

Dr. Matt* gives advice on relationships, life, death, half-life, pet ownership, sexuality, asexuality, proto-sexuality, and mustache growing. * Dr. Matt is not a real doctor.

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