Don’t Anger the Karma Fairy

Today I came across a discussion on what is Karma and does Karma really exist. There was a lot of discussion on both sides, often angry, and I thought that it might be time for Dr. Matt to come in and give the deciding factor, the final gavel, the ultimate decision on what is and what is not Karma.

You see, Karma is like a boat…

No, Karma is like a bowl of bananas…

No, no, Karma is like a bank… Yep, a bank. Now, folks, there’s a lot of people out there that don’t believe that money is real. “It’s made up!” they say. “It’s just an idea!” Yet, somehow, despite their beliefs, it seems to affect their lives regardless. The world turns, wars are fought, people live and die by this thing that ultimately is “not real”. Somehow, a lot of things that “aren’t real” like money, love, karma, and weapons of mass destruction in Iraq affect our lives, affect reality in a real and tangible way.

So, Karma is like a bank. What you put into it is what you get out of it. Actually, life is probably the bank, and Karma is the bank’s computer software. I should point out that this is why I hate metaphors.

So, I go to the ATM and I say that I want to withdraw my money (and money is love in this metaphor), and all I’ve done lately is take withdrawal after withdrawal. The bank’s Karma says, “Okay, Dr. Matt, I’ll let you take the money out, but you’re overdrawn, and I’m going to charge you bank penalties and interest on that until you pay it back.”

And I scream at the ATM: “But your penalties are too high and it’s unfair! I can give you the money back as soon as I sell some books, just don’t penalize me!”

But, you see, folks, Karma is just a running piece of software, a nature of the bank of the Universe… at least in this metaphor (which I hate). I can yell at the ATM, “I don’t believe in computer software!” or “Computer software is part of the religion of software companies, therefore it is meant to control and I will pout and refuse to let it apply to me!”

Telling Karma what it is and is not is not going to do you a lick of good, people. Telling other people what Karma is and is not also isn’t going to change the nature of Karma. If someone I meet doesn’t believe in money, I say, “That’s fine, then you won’t mind giving it up for my book which retails at $14.99.” Either way, their beliefs don’t change much about the thing they refute. It either is or it isn’t. It either affects their lives or it doesn’t, regardless of the pouting. And I can tell you, a perfect way to let something affect you is to put a lot of energy into refuting it. This is why I enjoy atheists immensely. If someone identifies themselves as an atheist, specifically wears an identity of being an atheist, then God is present in every moment of their lives, because the refutation of God is part of their identity. Seriously, that plum just tickles me every time I think about it.

If you don’t believe in Karma or God or banks or Barack Obama, that’s a-okay. Believe what you want. However, if you spend a lot of time arguing against it, you must really think there’s something to it. If you spend a lot of time arguing against Barack Obama, for example, then you must think he’s a credible threat to your candidate. (This is a wild example, of course, for who would actually argue against Barack Obama?)

Believe or don’t. If you don’t, don’t spend your life not being that thing. Just be.

As a result, you will not anger the Karma Fairy who is said to often disembowel those who do not believe in Him.

Dr. Matt*

* Dr. Matt is not a real doctor.

Dr. Matt

Dr. Matt* gives advice on relationships, life, death, half-life, pet ownership, sexuality, asexuality, proto-sexuality, and mustache growing. * Dr. Matt is not a real doctor.

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