What Words of Wisdom for the Wed?

Dear Dr. Matt,

Can you offer any words of wisdom for two special people on their wedding day?


Thanks for your question, Matthew. By the way, just so you know, I’m not capable of speaking words that don’t contain wisdom. It’s one of those side-effects of being wise. But let’s see what I can say to the two special people you refer to.

A wedding is quite a fun time. I’ve been to a bunch this year, and each one was special in its own way, and not just ’cause I was there. You get to witness a relationship in a way that you might never have seen, no matter how long you’ve known either of those people, and no matter how close you are to them. Oh, I’m not saying a lot more details are provided, or the two love-dazed individuals act in a way that hasn’t been visible before, but a wedding is, for some guests, the first time that they’re actually looking. Everyone’s asking themselves, “Just what the heck is going on here? How did we get here? What are these strange sensations I’m experiencing? And who here did it the night before?”

For the two special people on their wedding day, their bodies are likely so pumped full of natural endorphins from the intensity of the experience that their thoughts consist of something like cartoon images of cats and dogs playing together. But I’ll give them a few words anyway, and let them sort it out later.

  1. Don’t be idiots. Treat each other with respect. In fact, treat your lover like a visiting diplomat. I don’t mean blow some trumpets every time they enter the house, but it certainly wouldn’t hurt. Just remember, if your lover is a diplomat, that makes you president. The more you respect your presidency, the more you can expect diplomatic visits.
  2. Speak the heck up. Don’t beat around the bush when you’re upset, and don’t hide something because you’re afraid of upsetting someone. Volunteer information like your partner is the Salvation Army, and the information is your former fat clothes.
  3. No matter what, just love the crap out of each other. Seriously. Love that pinnacle of imperfection next to you, because someone went to the trouble of packing a whole bunch of human failings into that other person, and each one is more precious than the last.

That’s my words of wisdom for now. I probably could think of more, but I don’t want to delay the special couple’s eventual consummation.

Dr. Matt

P.S.  If anything goes horribly wrong, just remember: it can just as quickly go horribly right.

If you have a question for Dr. Matt, then ask him already!

Dr. Matt

Dr. Matt* gives advice on relationships, life, death, half-life, pet ownership, sexuality, asexuality, proto-sexuality, and mustache growing. * Dr. Matt is not a real doctor.

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