Top 10 Things To Do Just In Case The World Ends In 2012

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Folks, I don’t put much stock in all that hogwash about 2012 being some sort of Apocalyptic year. But, I’m also an advocate of being prepared. So, just in case the world ends in 2012, here are 10 things you should probably do as soon as possible.

#10 – Stop being an idiot

Look, I don’t care if it’s robots or zombies that might take over, the bottom line is that idiots are the first to die either way. So, it’s time to start becoming aware of your surroundings and getting a sense of what’s coming around the corner. Because it may be planning to eat / enslave / re-program you.

#9 – Keep in shape

Who knows when you may need a good run? And if it’s not to save your life, it’s still good to keep the blood flowing, unless a zombie / robot caused it.

#8 – Improve your sleeping habits

You never know when you might have a sudden 48 hours without sleep because of some chaotic event that may or may not involved John Cusack. (If that happens, count yourself lucky. It could have been an event involving Joan Cusack.) So, you’ll want keep yourself well-rested, just in case.

#7 – Learn a new skill, such as programming or hand-to-hand combat

Folks, if there’s anything that Jeff Goldblum and Keanu Reeves have taught us, it’s that the only way to master technology is to see what makes it tick. So the best tool to disable a robot threat is to be able to create a computer virus on the spur of the moment.

Or, similarly, you may need to subdue an unruly mob using nothing but the power of your fists. So start brushing up now.

For zombies, learning knife throwing will probably do the trick.

#6 – Practice

It’s all good and fine to learn something, but it’s something else entirely to practice it to a point of mastery. So learn a little thing called discipline and practice those new skills plus the skills you’ve learned before, but are a little rusty on, such as how to use a chainsaw.

#5 – Keep your receipts

Look, if you think that tax revenue agencies will go away just because the world ends, then you’ve got more learnin’ to do. Global chaos and mass hysteria will not stop a tax agency from calling you and threatening to garnish your wages if you do not file on time.

#4 – Adopt a pet

No matter what happens, you’re going to want company. There’s a number of pet adoption agencies around, and they often have more pets than people who walk in to adopt. And since pets are susceptible to different contagions than humans, then the pet-to-person ratio may only increase in 2012.

#3 – Love who you can, while you can

You may not get another chance at this, so don’t be stingy at who you give your affection to, whether it’s your lover, your friends, or your interns.

#2 – Be confident about your chances

Remember, there’s always a possible scenario that enables someone like you to be President or Prime Minister or Supreme Ruler of your respective country. If it could be someone like you, then why not let it be you? What you can achieve is unbelievable, even more so in unbelievable times. So write a few acceptance speeches “just in case”.

#1 – Write your own to-do list

No reason to stop here. There’s probably a few other things that you could think about doing just in case the world ends. Some people call it a bucket list, but it’s more accurately called a “Things For Me To Do In Case The World Ends” list.  (You may want to get a large piece of paper just to fit that title.) And one of your items should definitely be to create another to-do list. I learned this trick not from Mr. Goldblum or Mr. Reeves but from Leonardo DiCaprio.

Enjoy the coming year! If we’re both still alive by the end of it, then you can thank me at the safe zone in New New York.

Just My Thoughts,
Dr. Matt

Dr. Matt

Dr. Matt* gives advice on relationships, life, death, half-life, pet ownership, sexuality, asexuality, proto-sexuality, and mustache growing. * Dr. Matt is not a real doctor.

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