Good Job, America. Now Let’s Do The Gays
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Folks, like most Americans earlier this week, I was crying tears of joy when we chose our first African-American president. A great page of history had been turned, and a tremendous leap forward had been made for black Americans and heck, for all Americans. I’m thinking, let’s keep this momentum going of ending prejudice and lifting up voices that have previously been silenced. That’s right, next time, let’s do the gays.
Let’s imagine a lesbian. Now, I really like lesbians, because I tend to get along well with people who like what I like. If a lady likes a lady, then there’s a lady that I can get behind. First, of course, people need to stop being stupid and pretending that gay marriage is some kind of threat to their lame, no-I-don’t-want-to-have-sex-tonight, I-have-a-headache straight marriage. Did we not have a civil rights movement to clear that stuff up? Civil rights is defined as fairness in law, and freedom from discrimination for any reason, including sexual orientation, or at least that’s what the Google tells me, which I’ve recently discovered can tell me things.
People have their religious objections to that, and well, everyone is welcome to their stupidity, no matter what the source. But our rights are not a by-product of religion, and constitutional authors were quite clear on this point.
So, once we get that whole matter cleared up, we’re ready for a lesbian president, and her first lady. I’m saying people, how can we object to that? I mean, imagine a young and beautiful Barack and Michelle dancing after the inauguration. Now imagine two beautiful young ladies. To me, that’s a hot symbol of progress.
Sure, yeah, I know, I haven’t mentioned two men, but look, we’ve gotta take this progress thing a step at a time. I mean, you can’t just ask our culture to change overnight and just start handing out rights left and right. But okay, sure, we could have a single gay guy as president before too long.
It’s time, America. It’s time for change, it’s time to start reaching for a new day. A day when two women can come together in peace and harmony on our widescreen TVs. And also, one should eventually be president.
Just My Thoughts,
Dr. Matt*
