The Vagina of Your Mind

Hey Dr. Matt, how ARE you? Tell me, in your medical opinion, am I ever going to deliver this child out of me?

-Really Pregnant

Well, R.P. first I should note that I don’t have a “doctorate” in the strictest sense; that is, in the sense that I “graduated” from a “university.” My doctorate is what I call the doctorate of life, which is much different than a medical doctor, especially those who poke around in birth canals.

The birth canals I poke around in are the birth canals of your potentiality, the “vagina of your mind,” if you will. And the babies you produce from there are another form of creation.

You see, R.P., sometimes I feel as you do. I have an idea that has been growing and growing and growing, and I just wonder when the heck that baby is gonna come out. The thing I’ve had to realize is that everything happens in due time. You’ll give birth when you give birth, and if I want to honor what I’m giving birth to, I sit back and relax, and just love it. I just love that little baby of an idea, nurturing it, singing songs to it, watching as my possibilities begin to lactate and grow in size in expectation of the ultimate arrival of my creation.

And, just in case I missed the point of your question, a more direct answer is that the gestation period for humans is 259-294 days, close to the average gestation time for cattle, which is 283 days. Elephants have to wait more than twice as long, so be patient.

Thanks for your question!

Dr. Matt*

*Dr. Matt is not a real doctor.

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Dr. Matt

Dr. Matt* gives advice on relationships, life, death, half-life, pet ownership, sexuality, asexuality, proto-sexuality, and mustache growing. * Dr. Matt is not a real doctor.

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