You Are Your Best Lover

Folks, it’s been a while since we’ve chatted, and I didn’t want you to feel like I didn’t have time for you. My fans are part of what keeps me going, that’s for sure, and each and every one of you is loved, not just for the way you pay my gas bill, but for the way you love me back.

It’s springtime, makes you kinda think of love, doesn’t it? And folks, I want to remind you that if you’re thinking about taking on that new lover, or airing out your old lover through application of new research materials, I want to remind you of the lover you should think about first.

No, I’m not talking about me… unless you’re between the ages of 22 and 35, can carry on an intelligent conversation, and find pudginess a charming quality in a man. Oh, and speaking of men, I would prefer that you were not one.

No, I’m not talking about me, I’m talking about you. The lover that’s most important in your life is Y-O-U you, that monkey that is looking back at you in the mirror (unless you actually own a monkey). Why do I say monkey? Because it’s okay that your face is kinda awkward, and your elbows aren’t symmetrical, and your gut speaks to the fact that you simply cannot get enough bananas. Love those qualities as adorable traits as you would love them in your lifelong lover.

Think about that, folks. If you had a lifelong lover, then chances are (hopefully), you would have learned a kind of unconditional love for that person, you would have at least accepted the fact that they have imperfections, and you love them regardless.

Well guess what, you have had a lifelong companion, and it’s you, ipso facto you have the capacity to love yourself unconditionally.

But wait, Dr. Matt, you say, the difference is that I don’t get to choose another me. (This is debatable but I’m listening.) I haven’t chose a lifelong lover, I’m just stuck with this one. Well, okay, if you believe that’s true, let’s say it’s a kind of arranged marriage. Sure, it’s an awkward fit at first. After all, it wasn’t your choice (or so you believe). So what do people in arranged marriages do? Well, in order for there to be happiness, you must find those lovable qualities in your lover, you MUST see their beauty or you are doomed.

There’s a lot of depressed people out there, folks, and I would wager that this is at the heart of it all. People have fallen out of love with their primary lover, and walk around with a kind of melancholy one might find in a strained relationship. It’s uncomfortable to live in a house when a relationship is strained or has fallen apart, and it’s even MORE uncomfortable to live in a body that has a broken relationship with itself. It must be hell living that way, and every time you make a negative comment toward that lover, it only makes life worse for both of you.

Dr. Matt, what the heck are you talking about, you say. Well, I don’t know exactly, but let’s put it in simple terms. You must treat yourself as you would treat a cherished lover. Take that lover out on dates, tell that lover you love them, and for goodness sakes, have sex with that lover as often as possible. Believe you me, Dr. Matt lives his life this way, and let me tell you, people, if you’re not, you don’t know what you’re missing. I mean, I’m ALREADY an attentive lover in general, and putting me with myself, well, that’s some sort of exponential wonderment that defies words, and likely were I to describe it, might disturb you more than you might be already. Okay, don’t think about what I do for me; seriously, just stop thinking about it, and think about how you can be that wonderful lover to yourself. Think about how you can make peace with the one you have been estranged from for so long, how you can bring the love in, the missing component that has kept you apart.

And then make sweet sweet love to yourself with sensuous warming massage oil.

Dr. Matt*

* Dr. Matt is not a real doctor.

Dr. Matt

Dr. Matt* gives advice on relationships, life, death, half-life, pet ownership, sexuality, asexuality, proto-sexuality, and mustache growing. * Dr. Matt is not a real doctor.

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