All Wedding Paths Lead To Cake (Eventually)
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Well, summer is wedding season, and Midgie and I have been to a bunch this year. Not only that, but one of Midgie’s close friends is getting married, and she asked Midgie to be the maid of honor, and help a bit with the planning. This basically translates to yours truly being along for the ride as well.
Now, folks, I don’t know if you’ve ever planned a wedding, but the first thing you realize is that everyone has their own individual idea about what it is, and those ideas don’t all match. Midgie has told me a bunch of stories about how someone has told her friend that they must do this or that, and they attach so much weight to it that it sounds like the whole event will end in utter disaster if the flowers in the bouquet don’t match the ones next to the roast lamb. Everyone has weighed in: friends, family, ministers, co-workers, next-door neighbors, accountants, you name it. It seems like everyone in their joy to support such a special event is also afraid of what might not make that event special, and the horrors said bride and groom might experience.
To make things more interesting, Midgie herself has sworn off marriage, and has found herself helping to plan an event which she has her own pile of feelings about.
Now everyone, just take a chill pill and listen up. Weddings are special events, but the single-day party does not encompass or represent the relationship. Nor is it the beginning of their relationship or their commitment. They’ve already made that commitment to each other or they wouldn’t be there. It’s being celebrated for the first time in front of you. It’s your level of participation that is new, as a witness to the relationship. Since you, the witness, are entering into a new relationship with these people, then a lot of your feelings can bubble up and become crazy talk.
Of course, as we know, the craziness can extend to the bride and groom, creating bride- and groom-zillas. One day recently, after I calmed down an exasperated Midgie, who had just calmed down an exasperated bride-to-be, I said, “The reason people turn crazy at new beginnings is the fear of choice.”
“What do you mean?” said a naked and satisfied Midgie.
“It’s like this,” I said. “When we make choices that create big life changes, we end up in unexplored territory. Our fear is that we’ll lose our footing and our ability to change direction of our hot air balloon, if needed, will be limited. We worry about setting our ship on a trajectory that will leave us adrift and without sail. But the amount of choice and free will never changes; it’s only a difference in the terrain under our donkey.”
Midgie thought about this for a while, and seemed to relax even more as the cool evening air evaporated the sweat from her skin. After a moment, she said, “Do you want to get married?”
Unfortunately, just then I remembered an important email I needed to write, so the conversation had to end there. In the end, I know Midgie and her friends will plan a wonderful event, and come rain or shine, the day will be lovely. It’s a party after all, and the important part of this wedding that I’m about to go to is that I’m there for me, first, out of my own free will, and to eat some delicious cake. And, if they don’t serve cake or do some sort of healthy hippie thing, I can make a different choice and adjust my path. A path away from cake, you see, may still be the path to ultimate satisfaction.
…Or some weird hippie thing, we’ll see.
Just My Thoughts,
Dr. Matt
