The Oscars Are Stupid

So I watched the Oscars on Sunday, as I’m sure many of you did, and can I just say: STU-PID.

You see, folks, the Oscars, if you think about it, are kind of like watching some company’s annual meeting, only it’s hosted by a lesbian and Will Ferrell sings something. But once you get to the speeches, it’s exactly the same.

Yet, year after year, we tune into this like it’s the most entertaining thing in the world. Look, I might enjoy the Oscars if they would take out the awards part of it. I think we all might.

Why are the lives of celebrities so fascinating for so many people? Do you think that those people don’t have problems? Do you think their problems are solved because they have money? Wrong, buster. Why do you think they get into the drugs and the transvestive prostitutes? They’ve got problems, believe you me.

We watch in masses at this event because somehow we’ve decided that these people are better than us. You know what? No one has a life more worthy of examination than you. That’s because it’s your life. But Dr. Matt, you say, my life is boring, it’s not glamorous in any way. Well, what are you sitting here telling me for? Go do something about it. Looking at someone else’s life and sighing isn’t going to do you a lick of good. You think it takes money to be glamorous? That’s just stupid.

Next year, give yourself as much attention as you give to those celebrities. Dress up in formal wear. Throw a party. Talk about films that YOU liked. Doesn’t that already sound more exciting? Especially if you are serving Hint-of-Lime Tostitos.

As for me, throwing a party probably wouldn’t work as I expect to be nominated for my documentary about myself.

Sincerely,
Dr. Matt*

* Dr. Matt is not a real doctor.