Canada, You’ve Been Kind Of A Dick

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Folks, with all this good will traveling around the world about the election of Barack Obama, and everyone reaching out and shaking America’s hand, I think this is an opportunity for me to finally say: Canada, you’ve been kind of a dick.

This Texas boy moved up to Canada, and look, Canada’s a nice place with nice people.  But once in a while, Canada has been a little dick-ish when the subject of America comes up.  Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Canada, that it took us sooooo long to overcome some prejudicial barriers.  I know that Canada has perfect peace and harmony between most of its English-speaking parts.  And yes, terribly sorry that America elected Republicans AGAIN in 2004.  Sorry, we were a little psychologically traumatized seven years ago, but I know we should have gotten over it by then.  You’re right to take us to task for electing conservative leaders.  Out of curiousity, Canada, who did you pick last time?

What’s that Canada?  Oh, not all Canadians should be judged by what the rest of the country does?  So, you mean like when you were judging Americans at that party I went to, holding your fruity vodka drink and sipping from a straw?  When you said all Americans were stupid?  Question: is part of our stupidity our  arrogant judgment of others?  Yeah, you may have a point.

What’s that Europe?  Oh, you hate what what America has done to your financial system?  But it was okay when it was making you rich, right?

Sorry, didn’t hear that Middle East?  You want America to stop oppressing other cultures?  You’re right, that’s really something we should work on.  After all, how many states do you have that support gay marriage because we really only have a few?  And how are the rights for women coming along?

So, Canada, now you want to go on a date with me, America, now that I have on my Barack Obama dress, when you mocked me behind my back when I had on my George Bush dress?  Just curious: did you get that idea from watching She’s All That?  Yeah, it’s an American film.  I know it’s lame and doesn’t reach the caliber of Canadian films.

Well, sorry, Canada, but I’m going stag to the prom this year, because frankly you, along with your jock friends, have been kind of a dick.

Just My Thoughts,
Dr. Matt*

* Dr. Matt is not a real doctor.

Dr. Matt

Dr. Matt* gives advice on relationships, life, death, half-life, pet ownership, sexuality, asexuality, proto-sexuality, and mustache growing. * Dr. Matt is not a real doctor.

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